Dear Jennie Garth,

Every now and then you let us glimpse your comic brilliance.

It's a shame we had to wait until 2002 for What I Like About You.

L xx

Dear Jennie Garth,

You are a pretty girl. It's quite a feat that this hair cut you are now sporting manages to make you look the way you do now.

I feel your pain, I really do. I have thin hair too and if you layer my hair that much I get the same effect. And we've all been there, we've all trialed cuts that seem pretty cool until you actually get it.

I guess I should feel pleased that this was before the current starlet hair extension obsession.

Cheers,
Lola

Dear Steve,

Valerie just said, referring to you, 'I bet he gives good credit card'. Yah huh.

First, that's the kind of ridiculous line that I secretly think is a little genius.

And second, even if you knew this, you'd still go for her. Oh Steve.

L

Dear Dylan,

Now you reveal chambray under the double denim! Is this a test, perhaps; testing my love for you. Fortunately your chiseled jaw, generous hair height and furrowed brow are enough to overcome the fashion tragedy.

Love Lola xx

Dear 90210,

Nice to see the music hasn't changed from Season 3 to Season 4.

Also, I want to see what Brandon refers to as 'Steve's dancing pumps'. You can't tease me with lines like that and not give me the visual.

L

Oh Dylan!

I spoke too soon! The Texas Tuxedo is not the way to my heart. And I know that's what really motivates you, don't deny it.

Lola

Dear Dylan McKay,

Oh my, the itinerant life really suits you. Looking GOOD. What a nice way to start the season!

Yours always,
Lola

Dear Allison,

Blood red pant suit.

That is all.

Dear Jo,

You're wearing high waisted, pleated, tan slacks, suspenders and a cropped, button up, ribbed top.

Just thought you should know, since you clearly didn't look in the mirror this morning.

Cheers,
Lola

Dear Traci Lords,

You are super. Cry Baby, Melrose Place and an episode of the Gilmore Girls.

Thank you!
Lola

Dear Melrose,

I'm confused. Do Jo's neighbours know she has a baby in the complex or do they still think he died? Because she hired a nanny. And it's a small complex, you know, I'm sure I could tell if there was a baby in living in the apartment next door.

And if they do know, how is this okay and why aren't the police onto her?

Yours,
Lola

Erm, Allison,

I'm pretty sure your name is spelled with two Ls, right? But they made you a sign with just 1. Maybe I'm mistaken. I've actually never met an A-double-L-Allison but multiple A-L-I-S-O-Ns. I've just checked the DVD cover and IMDB and they are all telling me two Ls.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD?

L.

Dear Allison,

The top half of your outfit is super excellent. Blue and white striped tee shirt and brown, leather bomber jacket? Quite to my taste. Improve on the tan slacks and you have yourself your first winner!

Speak soon,
Lola

Dear Melrose,

I love your predictability.

Yours always,
Lola

Dear Melrose Place,

It's Christmastime! You have bright lights that flash! I love it so much!

Merry Christmas,
with love from Lola x

Jo, Jo, Jo.

You get the roughest treatment of them all, don't you? Amanda steals your boyfriend (well, that's a given), you get knocked up by your next (this time crazy murderous) boyfriend who you later kill in self defence, his parents get awarded custody of your unborn child and, when born, said child is stolen by Kimberley.

But just be thankful you aren't wearing Jane's outfit of the hour. The explanation for its existence can only be the inability to choose between a bumblebee and cheerleading outfits for Halloween.

Small victories.

L xx

Dear Jane,

Go on, get it on with Michael, you know you want to.

Plus, you get to treat him like dirt in the morning.

Just be safe. He's a little dirty.

Your friend,

Lola

ALLISON!

You've known this guy for five minutes. You got together because you are DRUNKS. What made you 'think he'd be there for you'!?

Get it together, girl.

L

Dear Ms Woodward,

I am writing regarding your employee Ms Allison Parker. Due to her missing of meetings, failure to turn up to work and general disinterested attitude when it comes to her duties, I suggest you terminate her employment immediately.

I understand you have given her many chances so I believe you have been more than fair. In future I do not wish to see her in control of any accounts at D&D Advertising.

Yours Sincerely,

Lola

Oh Billy, your pink, pink lips deserve better than your current flame.

Dear Matt,

Your position in this show is quite equivocal, isn't it. On the one hand, you get some really unfavourable story-lines. But on the other, you are the moral centre of the show. To be at the moral centre of Melrose Place is a pretty big deal. Go you!

Talk soon,
Lola

Dear Peter Burns,

I don't remember you being quite so underhanded and manipulative. I know, I know, you are a character in Melrose Place, but still, you're really quite nasty.

Meh. Makes for good TV.

Till next time!

Dear Marcia Cross,

Later you with work with a hair and make-up team that respects and embraces your red hair. Do not despair.

Lola

Hey Rob! Rob Estes! Over here!

What are you doing popping up in Season One? I didn't think Kyle featured yet.

Oh... so your character's name is Sam? Well that's a little odd, but I like it. I'm pretty sure the guy that plays Karl Kennedy in Neighbours had a similar experience; he appeared as another character before the top job came up. A mechanic, if I recall correctly.

Right well, that's all, see you in Season Five!

Dear Kelly Taylor,

You might not have made great choices when it comes to men, but please don't rue your failed romances. Your infatuation with Jake Hansen created a wonderful thing. I will be forever grateful.

Yours Sincerely,
Lola